I was checking my blog stats the other day, and I noticed that I get a lot of hits on the category Avert Your Eyes! Knowing that you’re interested, I’ve been on the lookout for bad designs to post. Well, look no further.

Subject matter aside, the typography on this poster is horrific. Bodoni (Friday March 21st) is a very traditional serif face and it does not match with that modern sans-serif (Kevin Federline’s set in Helvetica Neue Extended Light?) And that apostrophe in Federline’s? That’s a foot mark, damn it. Apostrophes are curly or slanted, a foot mark is straight up and down. For shame!

Moving down the page, ack, ack, ack. The odd blackletter-ish “BIG 30″ is trying to be street and failing (perhaps an ironic wink from the designer? Somehow I doubt it.) It also evokes a horror movie vibe. At least I’m horrified. It’s completely mismatched with the type above and below. And where did that grunge script (”Birthday Bash”) come from? Does that say “fun party” or “desperate to be hip”?

When you use a company logo, you have to use their fonts, so I can’t argue with the introduction of four more typefaces in Pure, Caesar’s Palace, and Company. Sadly, I can hardly see those logos since my eyes are burning from the rest of the poser (typo, but I’m keeping it). Make it stop!

Huge poster size ad seen in a nearby mall. The headline reads “Closer than you think.”

What’s closer? Infirmity in a hospital bed? Old age? The cold hand of death?

Read on to discover that there are career opportunities in Springfield, a nearby city.

Oh.

Do you think they were being deliberately misleading, matching the ambiguous headline with that picture? Or is it just bad design and copyrighting?

I’m now in my PCB phase (post computer breakdown. For anyone who’s wondering, it was a total loss. Insert heartbroken sigh here.) This means that I’m getting all new software (silver lining), including Adobe Creative Suite 3. In the process of installing my new toys, I saw a folder in my Illustrator folder called “Cool Extras”. Could you resist? Inside were “Sample Files” and “Templates” and inside Templates were “Basic” and “Inspiration”. I’m always open for a little inspiration. I double clicked on Poster.ait in the “Band” folder, waiting for design inspiration to strike.

You’re joking, Adobe. Right?

Design-wise, I’m not blown away, but why did they stretch the type??? “Andre Molobore Sectet” is Myriad at 53% of actual width. Are they freaking kidding? I did a whole blog entry about this (The 5 Deadly Design Sins: Sin #1). Hey, Adobe, DON’T STRETCH YOUR TYPE. It looks terrible.

Perhaps someone at Adobe needs to read my blog…

So, this post may not be the most timely, but I meant to blog about Fashion Rocks this summer, and then was recently reminded about it when I came across the 2007 Fashion Rocks issue again in a waiting room.

Since 2004, Condé Nast has included Fashion Rocks magazine as an annual supplement to 17 of their titles (including the varied and disparate Vogue, Teen Vogue, Jane, Architectural Digest, and The New Yorker). It’s produced in tandem with the Fashion Rocks live concert during Fashion Week in New York.

Condé Nast, what gives? This is a terribly designed magazine. I mean, really, really, bad.

You may not get the full flavor, but here’s a sample:

What’s wrong with it? Let me count the ways…

1. What’s with the typefaces? I’m having a flashback to 1994. That slab serif set in all caps for the headlines (Look Who’s Back; Rock Star to Reality) and that skinny skinny serif (Photographed by Norman Jean Roy; Leather and Lace) put me in mind of Rockwell and Onyx, staples in my font arsenal in the mid 90’s. Not fabulous then. Certainly not fabulous now. They carry these font choices throughout the entire magazine.

2. That scrapbook look has got to go. I know the idea is that it looks casual and like something your 16 year old might put together, but why are they striving for that? I hate the way that looks. Even when I was 16, I hated the way that looked, and it hasn’t grown on me. Ugly. Dated. Feh.

3. See that little subhead on the cover? “Models on Nearly Every Page”? Why does that put me in mind of “Live Girls! Nude!”? They’re not nude in Fashion Rocks, but if you need a headline like that to get someone to open your (free) magazine, I think you’re in trouble.

4. Everything is too tight — the margin width, the leading, the space between the text and the images. I feel claustrophobic.

5. Those squat little initial caps on all of the stories are very annoying. Am I splitting hairs? Yes. But do they look good? No.

With all of the talent and resources available at the various Condé Nast publications, it’s hard to believe that this is the best they can do.

My brother, B, walks into the room where I am sitting. A football game is on TV.

B: Who’s winning?

Me: I don’t know.

B: What quarter is it?

Me: I’m not sure.

B: Are you even watching this game?

Me: I was, but I got too distracted by the numbers on the Ravens’ uniform. Look at them — they’re hideous! They’re all bad, but the 3 and the 5 are the absolute worst! I almost had to change the channel!

B: Are you kidding?

Me: Of course not! Bad typography isn’t funny.

Pause.

B: You need a vacation.